When it's only a paper moon...

Image credit: Everyone Goes to Mick’s.

The holiday season is often a time that challenges us emotionally more than any other period of the year. Self-care is crucial to help us get through this season in a safe way. It is worth our time to stop for a moment during the hectic wave that is pushing itself against us and to try to make sense of what we are experiencing. 

I have a very intuitive friend who is in tune with people. The other day my friend describes a woman who is in her late thirties, attractive and a professional. The reason my friend brought up the discussion about this woman was because my friend experienced this woman’s “aggressive attitude”. Yet my friend said to me, “What strikes me most about her aggressive attitude is that I feel it is in fact hiding a frustration or sadness. I don't know her, so I don't know the what, how and why, but I really feel for her. It just makes me wonder how many aggressive people are acting out due to sadness?” My friend has it right; often an outward aggressive behavior is in fact rooted in depression. It’s important to figure out the difference or to understand what the aggressive behavior is communicating because all behavior is a form of communication.

When I was studying to be a therapist, over 30 years ago, it was the norm to speak of depression as anger turned inward. But that always made me ask, is anger depression turned outward?

According to Dr.Robin Goldstein: “A very common way that depressed people behave is with anger."

“The most common picture most people have of depression is that someone suffering from depression is withdrawn, sad and passive. You might expect them to want to stay at home, avoid people and keep to themselves. You may associate depression with suicidal thoughts or statements or a feeling that the person would be better off dead. The symptoms described above ARE often present in depression and are a common subtype but depression can appear in a variety of guises and can be perplexing to recognize…A very common way that depressed people behave is with anger…An outmoded definition of depression is “anger turned inward.” Anger turned outward is just as common and often convinces family members that the person is not depressed.”

It is important to emphasis here that not only do friends or family members of those who outwardly express their anger not think of these individuals as suffering from depression, but the individuals themselves don’t associate their behaviors as possible expressions of depression.

Mixed signals.

Our bodies don’t always send us clear and straight forward signals. Take the signals of hunger and thirst for example. You would assume that we can tell the difference. But this is not always so. Carole Anne Tomlinson writes:

"Thirst occurs when your body needs water. When you do not drink enough water, your body receives mixed signals on hunger. Dehydration causes you to believe you need to eat when you really need liquid intake.

Diabetes

Signs of diabetes include feeling hungry and thirsty, the American Diabetes Association, or ADA, says. If your blood sugar fluctuates and is not within normal values, you might have mixed signals of hunger and thirst. You will become dehydrated if your blood sugar remains high, and you will crave food. You will urinate less as you become more dehydrated with high blood sugar. As your blood sugar drops, you will urinate more. It becomes a vicious cycle not knowing if you should eat or drink fluids."

Just like we mistake a feeling of hunger for thirst, we can mistake a feeling of anger or irritability for sadness.

Irritable Depression: When Sadness Feels Like Anger

"Typically, when we think of depression, we think of the classic symptoms: sadness, low energy, insomnia, appetite changes, and so on. Sometimes, however, depression presents with a slightly different constellation of symptoms...Studies show that many depressed adults report significant irritability, yet this symptom alone is not sufficient for the diagnosis of depression. Some researchers and clinicians have been arguing for the inclusion of an irritable subcategory of Major Depressive Disorder to help identify, diagnose, and treat this group of depression sufferers. As the DSM heads for its fifth revision, the inclusion of an irritable subtype of major depression may become a reality."

The key take away for us, not only for this period of time that triggers a myriad of feelings but for all occasions, is to be aware. Don’t try to do it on your own. Speak with someone you trust and describe your behaviors and ask; why am I acting this way now, what is happening for me now that I am reacting in this way? Don’t judge or assume. Listen to your body and have someone else listen to you. 

Wishing us all a safe holiday season and New Year!